BBBJTCWS

For the ever-cool, caninophilic Frenchman — perhaps that's redundant—, Michel Houellebecq, sexual pleasure is the sole respite from the excruciating fray of contemporary human existence, from the misery of banality, stupidity, and biology. Houellebecq's erotic ideal—an ideal rarely achieved, mind you—is a sexual relation of mutual generosity and selfishness, an absolute respect for pleasure. There is no seduction, no second-guessing, no failure: everyone gives, equally and readily, a sexual democracy.

Of course, Bob Seger said the same thing. But if for Bob Seger, there's a passionate pining for those hot, sweaty night moves, for Houellebecq, it is all quite matter of fact. There's no sexual passion, none of the ribaldry of, say, Henry Miller, none of the ecstatic strutting of Robert Plant, the lemon juice running down his leg.

The straightforwardness, however, does not castrate the pleasure (except in the reading—you will not catch wood reading his books, so don't go running to the library, you little horndogs). On the contrary, this democratic approach facilitates pleasure, allowing it its full expression.

In such a sexual democracy, you can truly relax and enjoy every moment of her tongue working your glans, your perineum; only in such an encounter premised on absolute respect for pleasure, can you cum explosively, fully, without doubt or guilt or hesitation, filling her sweet, kind, loving mouth with every ounce of your cum.

Don't buck your hips, thrusting your hard on against tonsils and throat. Just relax. Feel every flick of that tongue, every whisper of her fingers on your balls, along your shaft. Be selfish and let her make you cum, all on her own. Then you can truly cum, cum forth, cum hither, let it loose. Only then can you cum so fucking hard you remember why you liked to cum in the first place. Only then can you discover what this whole fucking thing is about: the unadulterated, uncompromised blowjob to finish.

In the lingo of the so-called hobbyists, the path to true pleasure and, alas, our redemption, is the BBBJTCWS—the bare back blowjob to completion with swallow.